Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?