what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.