Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
