she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
