...so i touched it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
