i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
