I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
