What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
