you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
