i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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