I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
