Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize