Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
