I'm really into asian looking animals
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
