The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
