sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
