Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
