ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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