the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry