Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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