Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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