girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family