Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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