ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
