I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.