i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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