just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
