end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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