My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
