pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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