We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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