I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
