The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish you could order shots online.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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