I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
