Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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