the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize