Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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