both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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