Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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