RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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