dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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