you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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