She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.