alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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