420 ftw
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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