I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
