I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
