so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
