dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
