i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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