i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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