JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
