i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i came on her dog
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
