Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
