I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
