Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
