he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
