I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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