you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
