She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
