you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
