i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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