i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
