At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
