i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sobbing to NWA
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
