What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
