I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
